Question by 3fsh: Fiancé has a porn addiction… what do I do?
He admitted to me early on in our relationship that he had an addiction to porn when he was about 13. His parents restricted access to internet and he thought he had completely recovered. A few years ago he relapsed (at around age 20) when he went to Virginia for several months for Marine Corps training. Since then, he installed software on his computer that monitors his internet activity. I thought everything was fine, but he started looking at porn on an additional PC he had. Not only that, but he lied to me and said that he wasn’t accessing it anywhere else. I found out about it and he then installed monitoring software on that computer as well and promised he wouldn’t lie to me about it again. Well, for Christmas he got an iPhone. Of course that comes with an internet browser that he can access anywhere, anytime. So, I said that I was going to trust that he would tell me if he looked at anything on there. Lo and behold, he lies to me repeatedly all over again and denies accessing porn. After hours of intense interrogation, I find out he’s accessed it again.
He has lied to me twice now about accessing it. Each time he has said he would be honest to me from that point on. Each time he has broken down and sobbed and said he was embarrassed and ashamed of his behavior. I finally got him to admit that he was doing it because he’s addicted to being “turned on”. He usually looked at it when I was irritated with him or grumpy and didn’t get him turned on.
I’ve told him that it’s not the porn that is the problem. I mean, don’t get me wrong, porn IS a problem. What is the bigger issue is his lying to me. I told him that if he lies to me from this point on I will break up with him. Our wedding is coming up on September 5th, but I will seriously break off the wedding and lose all of our deposits. I WILL NOT marry a liar. What the heck do I do? I am so lost and frustrated right now. On top of that I feel ugly and worthless because I have serious self-image issue. I also struggle with depression and anxiety. Help???
I’m not okay with porn, so don’t waste your breath telling me that I should just accept it.
Answer by Austin
It’s porn who cares. It’s better than him cheating on you.
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